Invitation To Surf

Today I went surfing.

I know that sounds like a classic southern California brag: surfing in late October when the snow is already falling in Wisconsin.  I'm sharing this not to show-off, but because it was a really huge milestone for me - one that I think provides a great example of what happens when you stop waiting to be perfect at something and just, well, do it.

Yes, it was a perfect Santa Ana warm, clear day. I saw dolphins. The few people in the water were friendly.  But what made it amazing was that I finally kept a long-standing promise to myself. 

Every day for the past eleven years, as I walk my dogs along the cliffs near my house, I watch people surfing and say to myself, “I need to do that.”  The time in the water, the athletics of it, the peace, the power of it all call to me at a deep level.

I’ve planned to surf a lot and even tried a couple of times.  Not enough to legitimately say, "I surf, " much less call myself a surfer. Four years ago, I even I bought a surfboard and wetsuit.  With the equipment, of course I was going to make it a regular thing, right? I think I went three times over four months.

This past summer, the exchange student from Poland we hosted got me out three times. It went really well, and so, this was going to be the summer I made it a thing.

Since July, every week I block off time to surf. I check the tides and the surf report.  I look out at the weather…and then I go swim at the Y or row or do something else.

Oh. It's a Vulnerability Thing

It's not that I completely lack discipline.  Although, I've always lived somewhere just over the border between flexible and easily distracted.

I know I'm a very strong swimmer.  I've been in and around the ocean most of my life. 

It's not about lack of time; I've been a part-time consultant and coach for almost two years, the prime benefit of which is near complete control of my calendar.

Here’s what I think it was:   For no good reason - nothing rational anyway - I never felt like I was good enough to surf here. In San Diego.  Whenever it was time to go get my surfboard, some form of "you are not ready for this yet; you are a Barney and the locals will kill you, or worse laugh at you,” played in my head.

Wait! What?!?  Despite all of my research and exploration into being a braver, better leader, I’m letting a vulnerability issue get in the way of doing something that seems like such a great fit for me?

That's the thing with narratives that hold you back.  They are hardwired in and can be hard to override.  The "just do it" mindset is not really that simple.  Especially, considering the people in those iconic ads are either people at the top of their sport or at least models. For those of us prone to perfectionism and over-thinking. “just do it” layers on more guilt and shame because your not “doing it” the right way.

Timing, Encouragement, and an Invitation

It's October. Four months past my goal deadline. Today I went surfing by myself. What made today different? 

First, it was just time.  I think on my way out the door I said something to the effect of, "I just don't have a good reason not to, and the rest of the week has been going really well."  At some point, when you don't have a good reason, maybe you just run out of excuses and either try something or don't.

Second, I'm pulling strength from success in other areas of my life this week.  Twice I've received encouragement and advice on the business front that gave me a shot of courage in building my business.  It's paid off. Two new clients this week!

Success in conquering one fear can do a lot for powering you through other fears.

And then, I got a personal invitation from a pro-level surfer. Driving home from my "safe" beach this morning, I stopped to say hello to a neighbor, a guy out of surfer central casting who I'm pretty sure has surfed every day since he was a kid. He saw my board in the car and asked why I drove all the way to Mission Beach (about 5 miles north) to surf.

"I'm practicing so when I surf here no one beats me up," I sort of joked.

"Dude," (he really called me dude), "you have my personal invitation.  We all learned here.  You'll be fine. Once you're in the water it's all good."

A little encouragement goes a long way.

My need to be a great surfer is gone, I'm okay with being a Barney for now.  I just want to get in the water and surf.  Maybe "just try it" is better advice for people prone to worrying or perfectionism. Maybe it's more about the doing and not how the other people in the ads - or further down the beach - are doing it better. Maybe they are just having fun and hope you are too.

Today I went surfing.  It's everything I knew it would be - a great workout, great practice in working through frustration, moments of genuine peace sitting on an unbearably beautiful ocean (dolphins!). I can't wait to get back out on Tuesday.