Don’t Go in Alone
Why is asking for help so scary?
No, this is not a script for a new summer horror flick. Scarier!
This is about making a case for the simple yet terrifying act - asking for help.
Isn’t it amazing how often asking for help strikes mortal fear in even the most enlightened leader?
What is that fear all about? Has anyone ever actually been fired for asking for help? Have you ever lost a friend because you needed a hand (jokes about friends with trucks aside)?
We get patted on the back and given “outstanding team member” ratings and awards when someone catches us helping someone else. We place a huge premium on collaboration and teamwork.
Yet, running in the background is the Myth of the Self-made Person. We freeze up before asking someone to help us - even when we are really, really stuck. The narrative goes something like, “but if I ask for help, they’ll think I’m not smart/good/strong enough."
Knowing I need help versus appearing strong clashes in the front of our brains, making this key part of practicing a growth mindset so critical.
Here are three tools to make asking for help (seem) less scary:
Decide when you will ask for help. After a few attempts that do not work try, "Show me what I’m missing." When you find yourself procrastinating ask someone, "Can you give me a jumpstart?" Need to make your solution stronger, try "Let’s two-plus-two this!"
Call it something else. Feedback? Your two-cents? A learning opportunity? Or my favorite: reframe "asking for help" as "building teamwork and trust," thus making everyone feel stronger and more secure. Euphemisms and metaphors can diffuse the fear, help you reframe, and move forward with getting help.
Embrace the discomfort. That scratchy feeling may actually mean you’re doing something right! Or if not, learning a valuable lesson.
"I need help," does not equal "I'm not capable." Be brave. Take a step. Ride through the scary and just ask for help anyway. And, encourage others to ask for help too.
For A Deeper Dive:
READ: 5 Ways to Get Better At Asking for Help, Harvard Business Review
